Come back to yourself

by Judith F Kennedy, PhD

Do you have the courage to be yourself?

Astonishing the freedom of being truly yourself  brings.

I had a terrible two years. My husband left me and my mother died the same week.He left after a long time of struggling. He wanted to leave and was denigrating me to get up his courage. After this barrage of negativity, I began to wonder if indeed it was true. This is a terrible, terrible thing to happen to anyone. I began to wonder about my own true value. I began to be sad and embittered. Consequently, I began to shut down my heart.

The little bird in the hearts cage is putting out her head from this side and another. Rumi

I was that precious little bird, my heart locked in cage not seeing my beautiful tender little heart and my beautiful ability to fly. It was incredible how insidious this was. Here I am a psychologist after years of therapy, meditation and who knows what. Yet life was able to shut me away, put my heart in a cage.

This was astonishing to me and I vowed to get to the heart of it. How could a person previously happy, slip into this seemingly awful emotional space, forgetting my own true nature, against my will and against everything I knew.

I committed to a year of giving. I wanted to take myself out of the forefront of my own thoughts. I committed to happiness and I realized that I was attaching to some pretty toxic beliefs. I am writing this entire blog to share some of the wisdom and tools that I learned. I continue to do so with a vengeance. I am so grateful to be back to me, truly me, not the special enlightened me but me, just me and it is truly enough.

However, something else happened to me. A veil was lifted. Why was that? Because I committed to happiness, because I took my self out of the center of my thinking, because I detached from toxic beliefs? Yes and no.

Something else happened, something like grace.